Jeremy Mifsud - glow in the quiet
i want to be like a glow in the dark figurine,
except i’d only glow when i’m surrounded
by silence. you would no longer tell me
i want to fuck you so bad every minute.
you wouldn’t blast music when i hesitate
to respond with a yes. silence is scary, but
sound is cutthroat. i don’t want to hear
my predators howling. i wouldn’t blame
myself if they ambushed me at night.
but i heard him loud and clear. i saw
him in broad daylight and i still became
a victim. i'd like my skin to flicker when
i am anxious or terrified or not feeling
well enough. as a child, i bit my tongue
way too often. now it’s swollen and too
heavy to move around. ‘no’ is a short word
but still too difficult to pronounce. how
can i reject your love when i crave it?
tonight, i am dull. if you ask to fuck me,
i'll bury my head under your pillow and cry.
i will shrug. i hate myself more than i could
ever love you. i hate my body. how it damages
itself. how my stomach turns all food into
magma that burns me from inside. i am a
jar that swallowed a nightful of fireflies.
without their flame, i'm only a shadow.
during this meltdown i just wanna hit
my body for struggling to breathe you in.
my skin didn’t flicker when you spoke.
it reflected moonlight. now i have to let you